Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Camelot
by Starkid191
Summary: Excerpt from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Entry: Camelot! Written using the book as a guide - no pun intended XD - so it should be okay... Please R&R! Will extend if wanted.
1. Camelot

**Soo...this is my first HGttG fanfic, so be nice :) **

**I was going to include this in my Merlin drabbles, but then I realised that it was probably slightly too HGttG for people who haven't read it, so I thought I'd put it as a seperate one, despite the fact that that now means that no one will read it. If that makes sense to you. **

**I based this off the entry on ****_Magrathea, _****so it should be in keeping with DA's style. **

(Excerpt from _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_, Page 634785, Section 6a. Entry: _Camelot_)

_Far back in the mists of ancient time, in the great and glorious days of Albion, life was wild, rich, and largely tax-free. _

_ Mighty knights plied their way through exotic lands, seeking adventure and reward among the furthest reaches of the five kingdoms. In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women, and small furry creatures from Alpha Centuri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centuri. And all dared to brave unknown terrors, to do mighty deeds, to boldly split infinitives that no man had split befote - and thus it was the Empire was forged. _

_Many men of course became extremely rich, but this was perfectly natural and nothing to be ashamed of because no one was really poor - at least on one worth speaking of. And for all the richest and most successful men, life inevitably became rather dull and niggly, and they begsn to imagine that this was the fault of the towns they'd settled in - none of them was entirely satisfactory: either the climate wasn't quite right in the latter part of the afternoon, or the peasants' hovels smelt a bit too much, or there just weren't enough terrifying and lethal creatures around anymore. _

_And thus were created the conditions for a staggering new form of specialist industry: custom made, magic daydream worlds, enabling the user to go about their everyday business, seeing only what they wanted to see. A bunch of enterprising young sorcerers designed and made the drug, made it cheaply, and charged extortionate amounts for it. _

_But so successful was this venture that the sorcerers themselves soon became the richest people of all time and the rest of Albion was reduced to abject poverty. And so the system broke down, the empire collapsed, and a long sullen silence settled over the five kingdoms, disturbed only by the pen scratchings of scholars as they laboured into the night over smug little treatisrs on the value of planned politics. _

_The sorcerers themselves disappeared, and their story soon passed into the obscurity of legend. _

_In these enlightened days, of course, no one believes a word of it._

**Opinions? I'd love to hear them...with enough encouragement I might even extend this into a multi-chapter fic with ones on Merlin etc. unless you all hate it ad want me to take it down :) **

**Please R&R!**


	2. Emrys

_In the beginning, someone wrote a book. _

_And they called this book _The Sorcerer's Guide to Magic.

__The Sorcerer's Guide to Magic_ is a wholly remarkable book. It has been compiled and recompiled many times over many years and under many different editorships. It contains contributions from countless numbers of travellers and researchers. _

_The introduction begins like this_: '

Magic

,' it says, '

is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly hugely mindboggingly big it is. I mean, you may think that life and death are important, but that's just peanuts to magic. Listen...'

_and so on_.

_( After a while, the style settles down a bit and it begins to tell you things you really need to know, like the fact that the famed birthplace of Merlin, the beautiful, if small, hamlet of Ealdor is now so worried about the cumulative erosion by ten billion visiting tourists a year that any net imbalance between the amount you eat and the amount you excrete whilst in the village is surgically removed from your bodyweight when you leave: so every time you go to the toilet, it is vitally important that you get a receipt.)_

_To be fair though, when confronted with the sheer enormity of magic, better minds than the one responsible for the Guide's introduction have failed. Some invite you to compare a sorcerer to a man like an elephant to an ant, the simple truth is that the sheer power of magic cannot fit into the human imagination._

_Even good magic, such as the great wizard Emrys', can be stopped by powerful dark magic, such as Morgana's. It would take the equivalent of 3 Morganas to raze Camelot, and the equivalent of 2 Merlins to save it_.

The Sorcere's Guide to Magic_ also says that if you go to Camelot, you can survive for approximately two minutes. The record is thirty seconds, but you don't get to see much on the way. However, it does also go on to say that the odds of surviving such adventures are two to the power of two hundred and seventy-six thousand seven hundred and nine to one against. _

_By a totally staggering coincidence, this is also the telephone number of an Islingtom flat where a future re-incarnation of Merlin Emrys once went to a very good party and met a very nice girl who he totally failed to get off with - she went of with Arthur. _

_Though the Islington flat, the girl and the telephone do not yet exist, it is comforting to know that the odds were exactly in Merlin's favour. He saved the prince's life, became a servant, saved Arthur's life a couple more time and restored magic to Albion. _

* * *

**Like? Hope you enjoyed it. I may wrote another when I have time. I'm at school at the moment, and there's no wifi on Mars, so I can only do this when I'm in my Rocketship. Luckily Rumbleroar gives me rides around on his back. **

**(GO STARKID! Just for you, NotedMusician. Everyone else: these are...mature matters you wouldn't understand XD)**


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